Just an hour after my post last week I got a call.....one that changed everything. My sweet uncle Henny had passed away in his sleep. In one of my first posts I mentioned how hard it was to leave Holland, especially after him having a stroke, and a second one just a few days before I left. This was exactly what I was afraid of, that it would be the last time for me to see him. Luckily I had spend some time with him and said goodbye before I left, but this news crushed me...the strong woman that I always appear to be was gone, I was a small girl again that needed her family and was crying inconsolably. On the other hand I kept thinking of my family needing me and I couldn't be there for them. Heartbreaking...I searched for places to find comfort and I looked for ways to support my family members who are grieving. The comfort I found in my family here, the one I work for. And in my friends/brothers/sisters here that can always make me smile and try to comfort me with words. As devastated as I was, I realize that I can be very grateful with my real family that is far away and my new extended family that I found here on this island. What I did on Saturday evening? I went dancing, dancing away the pain in my heart. I know it is good to take time to deal with pain, and I did, but for me this was the only way at that moment because I couldn't be with my family.
Then last Tuesday my mom called that Aunt Mien passed away, I felt her pain through the phone and there was nothing I could do but cry with her. And I broke, I literaly broke! Together with some personal issues here, and these to family members passing away, I just broke!
Yesterday at 4PM (the time of his farewell) I sat down just by myself to remember, remember an amazing person, father, uncle, brother, brother-in-law, friend, boss..... And I found peace in my heart.
I think this has been the hardest situation I have been in in my life. And after thinking that I couldn't do it, I did it. Being away from family doesn't mean you don't love or support them, it just means there is more distance between you and them. And like my mom said, the line between our hearts can never be cut, no matter what the distance. Even though this loss hurts and that will never go away, I learned again that I do have that extra bit of strength to cope with the reality of life. Alhamdullilah!
Here is a link to an amazing video compilation that my cousin made, an ode to his father!
Thank you for all the great memories Uncle Henny!
We will meet again!
Love you!
https://www.magisto.com/video/bU0eOUQbQmspQQZgCzE
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