A WTF weekend…

I don’t even know where to start…one month to go and this weekend it hit me. An amazing weekend with highs and lows…and I mean HIGHS and LOWS!!!

 

Before I leave there was one thing I needed to do…Try to get I contact with my sister. So I did with the help of a very selfless person! I got an answer that hit me really hard. Every time I try this and I think I will not be crushed this time if the answer is negative…but getting a judgmental comment about my life while she hasn’t been in it for 8 years, hurts! I am an open and honest person and I think everyone in my life knows that. So I’ll just say it as it is….she tells me (cynically) that she hopes that I will find happiness in Zanzibar because obviously I don't have that here. WFT…just a
"No" would have been enough…if you don’t want me in your life then at least don’t judge me. That is where I am blessed that I am so different from her. I know if she ever wants to come back into my life I will be judged again daily about the choices I make. And still I want her in my life, coz she is family and family is forever. Blood is thicker than water, always! It really made me think. I know I am in a very happy place in my life and because of this comment I started counting my blessings and realize what I am leaving behind. It made me doubt my decision, while this is something I have been dreaming of for a long time. This is the power she has over me….and then people keep telling me I am such a strong person…look twice please?

 

Saturday my best friend was coming over, coz we planned a weekend together. We were going to party, dance, shop, chat, laugh and, because of the message earlier that day, I decided to have an “I don’t give a F****” evening and indeed it was! We both needed a shoulder to lean (coz nooo we didn’t cry!) on and that’s what we were! First pouring our souls out and laughing so loudly to keep ourselves from crying...coz…F**** I’m leaving in a month! After some soul-pouring we danced our asses of and had fun with some great friends. An evening to remember ;)

The next morning I asked myself: ".........?” After 4 hours of sleep I woke up with a big smile on my face and pain in my body. But that’s not important, because we had fun and are going to have a lot more fun today. Like two teenage girls chatting, laughing, complaining about not sleeping enough….we conquered the Beverwijk bazaar, ran into a friend we haven’t seen in a while and did some old school shopping. I love my life!

 

But seriously…

I know I’m leaving a lot of great people behind, some very special and close to my heart. I’ll miss them really bad, I knew that before I made this decision. But looking into their eyes while they tell me they don’t what me to go was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do. Especially when it comes from an unexpected person at an unexpected time (or not so unexpected just hidden very well).

Life is full of surprises, high and low, deal with the low and move on…right now I will focus on the highs, follow my heart and spend my time with the people close to me as much as I can. The "I don't want to leave fase" has started....

 

* Sorry, but there was no other words to describe this weekend then with strong language!